Sunday and Dreams
Bro. Matt's sermon last night was on one of the Apostle Paul's prayers (he's doing a series on Paul's prayers), this one in Ephesians 3:14-21. This prayer is one of reasurrance to believers - that they "got the whole thing," as Matt said. That their salvation is complete, that no one believer "gets more" than another. Then last night I dreamed there were several of us outdoors on a cool fall day and Matt was there also as we each went around giving our testimonies. As others were giving theirs I was also thinking of how I had struggled so many, many years with insecurity, feeling unworthy, doubting, not doing or being "enough." I know where these issues lie - back in childhood, but that's another story (maybe) for another time. How would I begin? Everyone else's story was short and succinct. In my dream I was going back, back in time, in memory, wondering was it this time, or this time... I was last in the group and when it came to me, somehow I was overlooked! What does this mean? Does it mean I was saved at 14 or 15 at Oldham Baptist Church, at 15 in Memphis, at 40 at Victory Valley, or a few years later in Dr. Maddox's office? I think it means that I "got it all" the first time, and that growing in Christ is a process. Each step of growth, each time God has asked something of me, I have turned that into doubt, unworthiness and fear. Rather the Deceiver has. The more I hear God's Word preached and really let the Holy Spirit remind me in my heart that Christ has done it all and there's nothing else I can do except believe - the more grounded I become.
I didn't get to give my testimony in my dream. The next dream sequence I had involved being with Amy where she worked (not at the funeral home but a school) and making huge stacks of copies on a really fast copier. Now how in the world are these related? Only my mind knows and it's not telling me right now!