CLAY AND WATTLES

Too Young, Too Soon - Again

I couldn't sit here at lunch time alone in this office with the door closed. So I went to Wal-Mart and looked for a new retractable leash for Oscar, but they only had one for dogs up to 100 pounds (too huge), and one for dogs up to 20 pounds and not even as long as the one we have. So I didn't get a leash. But I bought him a replacement doggy (baby toy) for the one whose leg he has nearly pulled off playing tug. I also bought Aveeno Body Wash with Oatmeal for his sensitive skin (Amy's vet recommended it for Mo and Pauly), Beggin' Strips, Tide, Cascade, a bag of miniature Snickers for Paul, and a book (what?) The Interruption of Everything. (I don't know where I'll put it and I don't care.)

My eyes hurt. I've cried and I've held back crying. They still hurt. Another friend died this morning. Beth's mom Pat D. She went to Memphis only on July 5 to see a neurologist and they confirmed the local doctor's diagnosis - brain tumor. She had 15. Not one, not two - no - she got an abundance. I can't imagine having that many foreign killers inside my head. What kind of nightmare must that be like? I don't want to know, please, God!

Pat's husband died about 3 months ago. Their only daughter Beth, a "later" child, lives in Chattanooga and wasn't here. They thought there was time; she planned to be here this Friday. But there wasn't time for her to come. It was time for Pat to go home to God. She was only 70 or 71.

Amy called me this morning and told me. She was very upset. She and Beth have rekindled their friendship after a few years of different paths. Of course she will try to be there for her as much as possible; they all will: Tara, John; Tara, Jorge; many others. I called Tim and talked to him and he was pretty emotional, too. Beth didn't handle her dad's death too well; I can only imagine what she must be going through now. They will be here sometime tonight.

I'm just numb. It brings back so many feelings, emotions, memories. I just want to go home and go to bed. Instead we have an appointment to have our pictures made for our church directory tonight. I have to smile and act all nice when really I want to squall and throw things again, just like when Teri died. So instead of going home to bed, I'll go patch up my make-up and try to act as though I feel like being there.

I will be there, but my heart will be thinking about Teri and Pat.