CLAY AND WATTLES

Annuals and All That

Tuesday of this week I had my annual physical. It was a beautiful pre-Spring day, just a hint of chill in the air, nice and sunny. Just the kind of day I like to be out, and I felt wonderful.

The sad thing about Tuesday was that I had to go without Teri. We always had our annuals on the same day. I had a book tape to listen to for company (French Women Don't Get Fat, which is a really good book), but it wasn't the same as looking over there at my sweetheart friend, seeing her slosh down her Diet Coke ("I have to have my Diet Coke in the morning, or watch out!"), her little stash of snacks or chips, or a cookie or two, and just us talking about any and everything. So that was a first.

When I walked into Dr. St. C's office... I registered, then I told the nice lady at the front desk, "I don't know if I'm the one who needs to be telling you this..." "Well, just tell me and we'll see," she said with a smile. Then I did tell her. About Teri. She was so sorry. I didn't want reminders about annual physicals to be sent to Teri any more, didn't want Richard to have to see that. All the caution, all the mammos, all the tests for this and that, and palpations and exams, didn't do anything for the ultimate illness she had. I sat down in the nicely decorated waiting room, on the opposite side of where we usually sat together, and tears immediately burned my eyes and I tried to blink them back. Another First. Being there alone. Then my appointment. All was jolly and well, and Dr. St. C. joked about buying his grandson a $15 watch at Wal-Mart while doing The Exam. And I joked back, At least it wasn't a granddaughter. You might still be there. And the consultation, the visit in his office, the caring gesture that makes me know his foot is not just holding the exam room door open waiting for an escape. Every doctor should have time for a consultation. It gives dignity to what I've just had done. I waited until the discussions about bone density, prescription refills, and my recent weight loss were over and then I told him about Teri. He was so sorry. Of course, he remembered her. She was always so cheerful. I reminded him that she had learned about Rod Stewart's concert in Nashville from him, and that we had gone, two years ago this April. He remembered. Then the little lull, the sorrow, the return to things at hand and I got my prescriptions for the year, the order for the blood work at the lab, and he walked me out into the hall. "It was good to see you," he said. "You look really good with the weight you've lost. I'm proud of you." And he hugged me. Even in the life of a busy doctor, he was reminded how mortal we are, and how rapidly a person's life can change from one year to the next. He slowed down just a step or two. He did it for me. He did it for Teri. I appreciated that.

After leaving his office, I called Donna and she could have lunch with me. "I just don't have a vehicle," she said. "Would you mind picking me up?" Of course I wouldn't. It was just one street over and into the next parking lot. She came out immediately. The other time last year that we had lunch together, Teri was with me for some appointment, probably during all the reflux fiasco. We went to O'Charley's and had the chicken/pecan salad. She's so easy to talk to and we enjoyed the time together. She said, "I know you miss Teri." And we talked about what an outgoing person she was, and what an impression Teri had made on her just that one time we were together at the same restaurant, and how different everything is when such a fun-loving person as she was is gone. She told me of a relative who was so much like Teri, and "when she died, there was just this big hole there, and no one could fill it or do what she did." For me to say Teri aloud to anyone else, or talk about her - well, she's just under the surface of my tears and I always choke up some. Oh, yes, I miss her. Dancing, prancing, laughing Teri. Irreplaceable Teri.

After our wonderful lunch and a drive back to Donna's office, we said goodbye and she kept apologizing for not having a vehicle. "I don't mind at all," I told her. "It's just nice not to have to be anywhere at a certain time. I don't get to do this often. It's always - well, what can I get done in 30 minutes, or this deadline or that. I'm so looking forward to retirement."

Since I had gotten my mammo moved up to the same time as when the lab did my blood work, I had the whole afternoon not to be anywhere, because I'd told Paul I would be home sometime that evening. Anyway, cell phones are wonderful for checking in! So my first stop was Deal's and I found a few little things there for girls' birthday gifts, "to do list" pads, a couple of notebooks (sure, I needed them!). They didn't have the Snyder's pretzels with peanut butter this time. I got Paul two pairs of Wrangler socks, Richard a bag of pumpernickel/onion snacks. Then it was on to Hasting's and I got Sheryl Crow's Wildflower and Phil Collins' Love Songs. No books! But wait! Then it was on to Books-A-Million and I found several artsy-type magazines there, including the La Vie Claire that Sher told me about. It is beautiful! And a couple of $4.95 hardback large journals, and a couple or maybe 3 more books, and 2 books about Ireland (well, I am going someday! ). Then it was on to Kroger: a banana for energy and More Shopping!: pita pockets, corn chips, wheat deli buns. Dillard's/Clinique. They are in the process of selling down their inventory to move into the new store at the new mall, so I didn't get everything - they were out of the non-aerosol hair spray and the Dramatically Different Moisturizer. Two Excedrin and a Butterfinger later: Office Max. Wausau 24# ivory paper and matching envelopes, a nice planner notebook (for work, yes, for work!), and a few other odds and ends. Okay, enough damage! But, you know, I felt so light, so free, and so happy! This is the first trip I have made alone for any distance since sometime late last summer before I got sick!! I very much enjoyed just being out in the wonderful weather, shopping where I wanted, how long I wanted, and with no one waiting for me, no one saying, "You don't need that." I probably didn't need anything I bought, but it was wonderful for my morale and my stamina. (That night I didn't sleep well because of all the caffeine, but I keep asking myself if it was worth it. And it was! The next evening I felt like I'd been pulled through a knothole and I kept asking myself if it was worth it. It still was!)

Since I've set a new schedule for my annual exam, my birthday, I plan - plan - the good Lord willing - to do this again next year. As for the days out, the hours in the bookstore - yes, more often. And I'll be sure to have Excedrin and Butterfinger with me. And memories of my sweetheart friend. After all, she would approve. "If it makes you happy, do it!"