Thursday, January 26, 2006

Breaking Hearts

The first Friday... Richard and I made plans this morning for "our gang" to eat out on our usual Friday night. Only the plans aren't usual. First the small talk (How's your mother? The pacemaker check-up was fine.), then the casual comments about eating out - "Dick and Jean will be out of town. Would you like to go with us?" "Sure." "Your pick, wherever you want to go." "Kelley's is good." "Fine with me. You want to come by?" "Sure. It'll be after six; I have a haircut appointment." "That's fine." And in the backs of our minds this sweet vision of Teri, in the depths of both our hearts, the unspoken words, Teri won't be there; it'll be only Richard, coming by. Not us girls swapping around and both riding in the back seat while Richard and Paul ride in the front. Not Teri making up the other side of the table, splitting a huge serving with me of whatever it is we ordered - probably chicken stir-fry, not dividing a huge piece of peanut butter pie. Teri not prancing around to different tables, speaking to long-time acquaintances and strangers alike. Not being filled in by her on the latest news in town. Richard, when you left my office, did you have to go somewhere to let out the grief? I stayed here and it flooded out, the reality of trying for normalcy in the midst of an abnormal situation. It really hurt, but it's a bittersweetness, that we can still do things we enjoyed doing together, carry on our friendships, console each other, look at each other and just know. It will be different, but it will be us, sticking together. We're thankful for those times past and the ones to come. Carrying on. Looking strong. Breaking hearts.

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