Saturday, July 15, 2023 (Farmer's Wife)

I had a list of things to do today. I've managed 3.  Then I thought about my Farmer's Wife quilt I started I think in 2017.  I have the blocks I made during the years following in a binder, with the printed pattern, my colorways, notes, dates started and finished.  Then all the stuff you think won't happen, did - Paul's cancer, stroke, covid, platelets, Amy's meningitis, my back fractures.  Amy recovered, thank God!!  My back is cemented together.  It still hurts when I over do.  Paul is still having side effects.  The cancer is gone from his lung, but he has prostate cancer, which is being "watched."  Meantime, he's going to cardio therapy after a stint at the end of May. So, yeah... Life.  And it has taken a big bite out of my energy, passions for sewing, scrapbooking, junk journals...  

There will be a quilt display at Heritage Day at the old Courthouse Museum and I plan to take Mama's she made for me (Hunter's Star), one of Mother Ruth's (scrappy), maybe my little one I made almost 60 years ago from shirt factory scraps (Trip Around the World).  All three of these are hand pieced and quilted.  So Sher thought of my binder of FW blocks and thought it would be a good display.  Now, I've had this quilt on my mind for some time.  I thought once that if I ever did anything before I die, I would love to finish that quilt.  So it has lingered for 3 years of my life.  The last dated block was July, 2020.  I want to finish it.  It seems like all my energy is drained after doing laundry, keeping the kitchen clean and helping Paul with little things that he used to do: keeping my truck serviced and looked after, little things in the yard, finding someone to wash the house, paint the deck.  I have new post lights to put on the deck posts.  I can do all but the 4 on top, on the arbor. I do have a life, I go to Sunday School, keep doctor appointments, attend Bible Study, go to Sher's, Bren's and Charlotte's.  We go out to eat.  I visit the library and go to book club.  It's a small circle, but I love it, and appreciate it and that I am able to drive, take care of myself, get my hair cut, shop for groceries.  I just don't know where that big block of time goes that I can't focus on any artistic endeavor.  I know my phone is a big problem.  So there's that; my fault.   

So my Farmer's Wife... I want to print all the patterns and templates I lack.  I have so much fabric and that was always fun, coordinating the pieces in the blocks.  Maybe this is a first step to get back to it.  I would love to have it for Amy someday.

And this happened last Monday:  Brenda's 75th birthday lunch at Charlotte's.   She, Charlotte and I are all 75 now.  Sher will be 70 in August. Time......

Sunday, June 11, 2023

 Our Sunday School lesson this morning was on Jeremiah 3.  Reading ahead and keeping the lessons in context, you can just see our nation reflected in these chapters.  God's warnings, His patience, Israel's rebellion, His warnings, warnings, yet so much patience.  Unconditional love.  That hit a place in my thoughts as we (P and I) go through these days of doctors' visits, procedures, medicines, aging, diminished abilities.  Do I love him unconditionally?  (Does he love me that way?  I believe so.  I had really never thought about it like that and we've been married almost 55 years!)  But do I?  Do I serve him with a willing heart, or do I resent things I need to do, and some I know he can do and will just ask me to do them?  We as humans get tired, we have limits, we are selfish about "our" time.  I should say "I."  I get tired, I hurt, too; I have limits; I push when I don't want to push.  But I've been on the other side, too, and when you don't feel good, when things are uncertain, I have closed down my spirit, sometimes even my soul.  It isn't a good place to be and you know how you feel when you are well and able. It's very hard to be in these "foreign lands" of aging and inability and sickness.  

Em's Bible.  Inductive Study Bible I'm pretty sure, as she does those studies.  So well marked; her mind so sharp and full of the history of the Old Testament.  Have I only pretended to study?  Have I only searched for the "right" answers to get a lesson finished?  Have I let God speak to me through His Word?  Here I am at 75, and I have learned a lot, but not nearly as much as I should have or wanted to.  Do I think my time here is totally unlimited?  We do not have a rehearsal life.  This is our life.  This is my life.  

Lord, help me love You more.  

Wednesday, June 7, 2023

 Appointment with Vickie this afternoon for possible UTI.  Yet another.

Going to see Edwina to see if she's up to going to cousins' lunch Friday.  Dread it as I have not stayed in touch with her.  But circumstances work both ways I guess.  So far I've notified 12 (some cousins by birth, some friends of cousins, etc.)

Got to get busy with Amy's Christmas junk journal.  Regretfully, I've never made her anything big like that - oh, well, the Senior Year Scrapbook - that counts.  In December 2022 I thought, oh, I've got a whole year!  Now here  it is mid-year and so far all I've done is collect a few things.  Going to print some digital pages today.

Paul is roaming around on the mower inspecting the yard work the mowers did yesterday.  I think they're improving.  

Listening to: " O, Brother, Where Are Thou" CD.  At the JAM the other night at the museum a group sang one of the songs on it - "Man of Constant Sorrow."  The JAMS are fun; they're upstairs in the courtroom, and so far I've been able to make it up them with a few rest stops.  Lisa Lambert and Scott Nunley are the main vocalists, but other groups perform.  Love the bass fiddle.  All the musicians are good.  I don't think I've seen but one person there under 50, and that was one of the singer's new baby.  

Getting together photos of Sher, Mel, Jordan, Nate for commemorative cups for their 70, 50, 40, 20 birthdays.  Carla has recently bought a small hobby business to make these and other gift items.  I'm narrowing them down.  I'll arrange on paper and send to her to see.  

Me and Sher.  10 years ago.

Saturday, June 3, 2023

Paul seems to be feeling better. 

Yesterday we went to the opening of the Farmers' Market at Jay Bird Park.  I walked around some, bought 2 boules from Duck Trails Farms (Catherine T); one for Sher.  She shared blackberries and has some hot slaw she will divide.  It's what Geniece uses on her slaw dogs at Front Street Snack Bar.  We'd had pretty big lunches so we ate sandwiches (he) and cereal (me) for supper.  I read my book club book "Eleanor Oliphant," and am almost done with it. Oh, he sat in the truck while I walked around, but he got out and that's a good thing. 

This little guy was the cutest!  But he was being returned to his breeder because the new owner said he would not/could not be house trained..  His ears were like feathers.  

  This morning "we" spread some "dirt" near the back of the carport where rain has washed dips and low places.  It's too hot even this early in summer (and not even summer yet) for me to be out.  If I do anything it'll have to be when there's no humidity (when might that be?). I need to trim those poor roses and see if I can make them look any better.  They are putting out new green from their terrible episode with the "soft wash" house washing.  They got washed, too.  and parts of all of them are dead.  

Walter Medley will paint the deck in a week or so.  Prime with color, then second coat.  Roycroft Pewter, Sherwin Williams.  It's going to cost a lot - a little over 2k - but otherwise it will just keep running down and looking shabby.  The wood is treated, and my mistake - I wanted it stained.  I wish I'd never done anything to it.  (Saw a friend's deck recently that has been let go naturally, and it will soon begin to rot, I think.)

Studied my Sunday School lesson - new book - Jeremiah and Lamentations.  Will get into the Bible study lesson later.  Going to sort through a ton of pictures I got from Shutterfly of my girls, "we 4," a few of Sher's DC trip I'd saved (her friend Sheila).  Now I need to go lie down a while and stretch out my poor aching back and neck.

Wednesday, May 31, 2023

I haven't been good at all keeping up with this blog.  Things happen.

My heart has been broken a few times. I've struggled with depression and trying to get the right meds I can tolerate.  Thankfully, my NP never gave up and I got a genetic test showing which I can tolerate best.  It's something I took years ago; however, the dosage I tolerate now is less than half what I took then.

Then there is Paul's health issue.  Heart cath yesterday.  One stent.  Cardiac rehab to be scheduled.  Once that's done and Dr. Blossom clears him, he'll have a PSMA/PET for his prostate cancer.  

I've prayed for God to give me strength each day and I have felt stronger and hopefully less stressed (med) and that helps so much.  I've started doing more things - back in Sunday School, Bible study on Tuesdays, book club once a month.  Other small steps - JAM at the Courthouse Museum.  Cousins' lunch planned for June 9. Small steps.  

My creativity is sorely lacking, although I've been reading more.  I have Farmers Wife quilt I want to finish and a Christmas junk journal I want to make for Amy.  I spend too much time watching other people make art (Luise, Barbara, Pam).  

I don't always hold it together.  Sometimes I cry and curse.  I finished reading "Becoming Mrs. Lewis" about Joy Davidman and C S Lewis.  Christianity is progressive and ever-reaching, learning, trying, asking for forgiveness, trying again, asking for more love for Jesus, trying to grasp what He did for me on that Cross.  I'm in a different place than I was even a year ago, certainly a different person.

Both my kitties, my girls, my sweet girls, have died, withing 9 days of each other.  I found Lucy outside near the road (but not near enough to have been hit), in the rain and it broke my heart.  Thelma had cancer, Jenni took out a cancerous kidney and Thelma was too weak, too sick to recover.  Lucy died on Good Friday; Thelma's surgery was on Good Friday, and we/I had her euthanized on May 16 at the vet clinic.  They are both side by side now with Dexter in the back yard near the garage.  Breaks our hearts over and over.  (I can sat Theo for Sher a couple of weeks ago when she was traveling.  She and I both wanted me to keep him but P said no.  No?  A cat doesn't require the constant attention a dog does.  But No reigned and so all we have now is three hummingbirds, a possum that eats scraps at night, possibly a fox I've never seen, but Amy has, and deer that occasionally cross the low garden.  

Amy began working at Memorial park mid March I think.  She likes it much better than she ever thought she would.  I'm so glad  she's working again, on a schedule and making good money.  

These things - journals - are said to be better if handwritten, but I can do this faster at times.  Maybe I'll show up here again sooner than another year.  

My sweet girls.  How I miss them.

Thelma

Lucy